I found this on the net and decided to share – lets see how much I can follow it.
8 EASY TIPS TO MAKE YOUR MENTOR RUNAWAY
- Lack clarity about your own goals and expectations: If you don’t where you are going or what you want to get out of the relationship. How can your mentor help you?
- Expect to be spoon fed: As a corollary to above allow your mentor to define the goals, the road map & outcome of relationship. Make him give you guidelines and deadlines for every assignment. Ensure you never take initiative for anything.
- Prove to be unworthy of trust: Do not keep any confidentiality. Badmouth your mentor in case of things going wrong. Fail to follow through on meeting commitments.
- Be too aggressive: Act as if you have birth right claim on mentor’s time. Do not accept any constructive feedback. Do things your way even if mentor suggests some new ideas and approaches. After all how can mentor know more about your situation than you?
- Disrespect Mentors time & efforts: Do not respect mentors time, reschedule / cancel your meetings without prior intimation. Or call on him to ask for advice at any time.
- Do not learn from mistakes: Make mistakes over and over again without showing any signs of progress will have a negative impact on your mentor and will be very discouraging. Do not close the learning loop.
- Always bring problems: Always bring problems (even if they are similar to what you have faced in past) without thinking about solutions. If you mentor asks you about your perspective – stay blank. If your mentor gives you various tools that you can use to find solutions, forget about them as soon as the next problem comes.
- Steal credit: Never share credit with you mentor for things that go well. Do not even inform the mentor that you got appreciated for a task you completed with your mentors help. If possible publicize the ideas as your own.
(photo courtesy : stockimages/freedigitalphotos.net)
I have no idea why people automatically associate networking with big conferences or events/ meeting with lots of people attending and giving out business cards.
These events are just one part of initially connecting with someone from your industry/interest area and you don’t have to attend these if a large group makes you uncomfortable.
Networking is the art of developing long term mutually beneficial relation; it does not depend on number of connections but dependability of the connection. Networking does not happen in one day.
IDENTIFY YOUR NETWORKING NEED
Your need defines the network you create. Your network should be built to address your future aspirations while meeting your current goals.
CREATE A GOAL VERSUS CURRENT NETWORK MAP
Write down your goal and now make a list of all people in your current network. Any yes we all have a current network.
Write down the names of your family members, friends, neighbours, co-workers, colleagues, and even casual acquaintances.
Find relationship between your goals and network.
Say your goal is to find a job in “X” field – you can use your current network to a > know of an available job or b > connect you to someone who will know of one.
Remember each member in your network connects you to another network (e.g., your ex – colleague may know the HR of a company currently hiring)
SHARE YOUR GOALS WITH YOUR NETWORK
I think that the two most difficult things to do for an introvert are a> asking for feedback and b> asking for help for self. It feels uncomfortable asking for favours.
Here are a few tips to help you ask for help
1> Articulate your goal: Define what you are looking for in a concise and clear manner.
Be it an introduction to a connection in the LinkedIn network, referral to a job or potential client references. Be clear about what you are looking for, why you are looking for it, how your network connection can help you and what is your offer.
2> Send customized mailer with your goal, using the guideline above to your connections.
Example: “I carry 4+ years of experience in Talent Acquisition, HR MIS, Employee Shared services, Induction and Joining, Compensation & Benefit management related areas with XYZ Company in your industry. I noticed that currently there’s an open vacancy in your company for a similar position. Would you mind helping me make a connection with a hiring manager or the recruiter? ”
Remember to send individual emails to people instead of a group email. People are a lot more inclined to help when they feel you’re reaching out to them individually.
An email takes away the embarrassment that you feel in asking for a face to face favour.
3> Follow-up, update and thank your connections
Always provide feedback to those who were kind of enough to offer their help. Thank them for their time. Update them on whether you got the interview or the job. Or use the opportunity to report on the lack of success or the need for additional help.
BUILDING & MAINTAINING THE NETWORK
Here are a few ways to ensure that you are able to build the relationship with your current network and enlarge your network without overwhelming yourself.
1> Arrange for a 1 to 1 lunch / coffee meeting
For an introvert this is one of the best ways to have a face to face interaction, as the time duration is limited. The interaction is limited to one person and awkward silences can be covered by talking about food / coffee or actually eating.
2> Volunteer for a cause you are passionate about or on a committee to connect with people who share similar interests.
The shared interest will give you something to talk about with the new members, while the work will ensure that you do not have to make unnecessary small talk.
Read http://heidicohen.com/19-blog-tips-to-expand-your-reach/ to know how to use the blog for networking.
4> Use you-tube / webinars
Hint: The advantages are same as blogging, but you talk / video record yourself. Making it easier for people to connect to you. People link webinars with experts.
5> Host your own Networking event
Benefits: You decide who you will invite. You can define the format of event to make it easier for you to interact. You give people a reason to get to know you as a connector and strengthen your relationships.
Ideas: Speed networking, Bring a guest, Theme of the month event, Breakfast meeting etc.
6> Follow on twitter / LinkedIn
Know what’s happening in your network by following your connect and those you plan to connect with. Reply to their tweets , comment on their posts, retweet , reblog and send them emails once in a while.
Remember a network is not about only taking, it’s more about “giving back”. The more you “give” to your network, the stronger it becomes. Making you stronger, making you successful.
1> Be confused: Be indecisive and drive your employees crazy by continuous flip-flopping. You can do so by ensuring
- No big picture: Don’t have a clear vision of what your employees are supposed to accomplish & achieve in long term, if you yourself don’t know – how your team can know what and when to do.
- Don’t make up your mind: When any employee comes to you with a problem, never give a clear answer. If they give you options, keep fluctuating between them. Be confused and keep confusing them.
2> Disrespect them: Talk over them, belittle their ideas, ignore their input, criticize them unfairly, and shout at them in front of everyone. Take every opportunity to make them lose their face in front of others. You can also show disrespect for them by not valuing their time, ordering them about, de-valuing their work etc.
3> Micromanage your team: Micromanage your team members every step of the way, instead of guiding them on how they can do better – keep the control with you. Ensure that you know every detail of what they’re working on and leave them no room to take decisions on their own. Dictate their every step. This will ensure that your employees never rise to their full potential and learn to hate you.
4> Be Clueless: If you don’t like micro-managing, you can be clueless. Never discuss the project / assignment progress and the challenges if any being faced by employee. Ensure that you are not in loop in any of the communication or decision making. If anything goes wrong blame the employee.
5> Over commit: Give commitments to your bosses / clients without checking the feasibility with your team. Do it regularly and not as one – off case. Don’t prioritize and make them do everything, even if it means putting in longer hours at work or, working on weekends. Make them chase impossible deadlines, always.
6> Act as if they have no life: Ask your employees to work late and assign them more work than they can do. Never approve any vacation or make them cancel their vacation plan. Feel free to email, text, and call them after hours, even if they don’t take your call or check the email, they will feel guilty for not working on weekends, when their boss is. Continuous guilt and stress will ensure that they hate you.
7> Communication Barriers : Create blockades on the two communication street
- Never share information: Don’t share any information you have with your team, keep them in dark. Let them hear things from grapevine, but don’t react. Do not provide any feedback to the team, while they are doing the task , you can always talk to them if things go wrong.
- Don’t Listen: Never take any feedback or hear the concerns of your team members. If someone comes to you to discuss things ignore them, look at your screen or mobile phone or shout at them. Ensure that no clear communication happens.
8> Don’t give them the resources they need to be successful: Don’t mentor your employees to grow in their careers. Don’t invest in the tools that they need to do their job well, be it in terms of technology or training. Let them try to achieve results in today’s world using yesterday’s processes / tools.
9> Pass of your own work: Never do any work on your own, ask your team members to do anything and everything you don’t want to do. Take extra work from your boss and make your team do it. Earn the credit, without doing an extra days work.
10> Be negative: Be overtly critical, share only negative news. Find ways to find faults in anything and everything. Berate all the efforts put in by the team. Never reward or appreciate your team members.
11> Don’t stand up for your team: Be it the promotion or raise they deserve or deadlines they were not able to meet due to genuine reasons. Never stand up for them. Never lead from front. Sacrifice your employees to reach your goals.
12> Never be a role model: Never “walk the talk”. There should be no relation between what you say and what you do. Lie about figures and facts or try to hide them. Never act as a team player. Don’t demonstrate any people management skill. Don’t follow rules and procedures but make your employees follow everything.
13> Play favourites: Give interesting projects, increment, chances of promotion only to those who follow your every command. Those who snitch and act as your informers in the team.
14> Don’t be professional: Be incompetent, feel free to gossip, and leave all your manners at home. Take credit for your employees’ ideas and achievements. Ensure you don’t prioritize. Call for unplanned meetings. Waste time in meeting by asking unnecessary questions, and circling back on points. Keep kissing up to your boss while kicking your subordinates.
The above tips will ensure that you are the most hated boss your team has ever had.
(PS: Don’t take everything written literally and reflect on the points above. The actions you take may make the life of your team members easier and reduce their daily stress)
(Image courtesy David Castillo Dominici @Freedigitalphotos.net )
Want to know if you are struck in a comfort zone – try free quiz on personal coaching site http://www.becoached4success.com/free-downloads.html
If you are still reading on, you must have realised that you are struck in your comfort zone. Comfort zone may mean relaxed pace, no risk but it usually leads to sense of complacency and boredom –we stop evolving & growing & face entropy – the dreaded decay.
Don’t look so dismayed. The very fact that you are reading this blog means you are ready to act, ready to break free from the shackles of comfort & enjoy the roller coaster that any new change brings. Here, are a few tips that will help you.
Create a list of your fears & your dreams: List down all the things you want to achieve in your life, all the dreams you have. Now make a list of all your fears & all the things which are holding you back from achieving your hearts desires. Define activities that will help you face your fears and get out of this comfort pit.
An example action sheet
Start Own Business
Business Plan Approval: Get the business plan approved for loan by bank. Will help to plug any gaps in business plan & give confidence in regards with actual feasibility
Financial health: Get your financial advisor to help you create investment plans so as to enable you to meet all you expenses till your business breaks even + to manage any emergencies.
Get a business coach
Love yourself : No matter what your weight or health – accept yourself and love yourself. Eat healthy, work out, wear the best clothes you can and always remember this is the only body you have. Take care of it. Every day look into the mirror focus on what you’re doing right, and speak positively to yourself. Realistic constructive self-talk helps in reducing stress, gives self-confidence, and help you put more enjoyment into your lifeSelf-love gives you confidence to try out new things and not fear the risks of breaking free from comfort zone.
Try something new every-day: The simple act of trying a new activity can help people move beyond their comfort zones. You can start by enrolling for a new class (fitness or cooking or drama or tarot) or try a new cuisine or any small change in your daily routine. The act of trying something unfamiliar will probably be uncomfortable at first but remember that feeling a little uncertain isn’t going to hurt you.
I recently booked my first car and before you start wondering whats great about it , let me tell you a secret. I have car driving phobia , have seen so many carcasses of street dogs hit by a vehicle and for other personal reasons never wanted to drive. I never needed to as the option of radio cabs was always there , till I got frustrated and angered by the radio cab services. The anger made me face my fear of driving and inspect all my fears. End result soon to be proud owner of a new car , my first car.
The anger has been used in the past to bring about the changes. Think of either struggle for independence , voting rights for women or our current fight against corruption – they’ve all been the result of anger of people against situation.
We can all harness the energy of anger to bring in constructive changes we desire. We can use it to motivate us and use it to push harder for what we want as it makes us strong and powerful.
Here’s something which can help you with using anger :
- Ask yourself what angers you – it could be your land -lord , harping about the rent money, your parents pressurizing you about your grades , your boss who’s not promoting you/ raising your salary etc
- Stop being unproductive – getting angry in all the above situations is seemingly unproductive. So, you do nothing — that is, until you get mad enough about the way things are that you finally spring into action.
- Stop being a victim – focus this angry energy to re-examine your beliefs , what makes you feel you deserve a raise/ promotion . Its not an entitlement based on number of years in service. What have been your achievements during the year, what have you saved the company , when was the last time you discussed the achievements with your boss. Think long , think hard. This will help you to come up with a plan for achieving your hearts desire – more money , better grades , successful relationships , promotions etc.
- Stick to your plans – go after what you want with full faith and achieve all that you dream of.
GO ON BE A SURVIVOR , USE YOU ANGER AS POSITIVE MOTIVATIONAL FORCE.
- Get a blank sheet of paper
- Draw a large circle
- Divide the circle into seven segments – like a pizza – where each piece represents an area of your life as it is now.
- The general categories are:
- Fun – Happiness, Hobbies
- Romance/Partner – Current or future Life Partner
- Career – Job satisfaction, Career path
- Family/Friends – Children, Parents, Relatives , Friends
- Health – Exercise, Diet
- Wealth- Savings, Investments
- Personal development – Self-space, Spiritual, Artistic
- Once you have labelled your wheel
- Assign a number from 1 to 10 next to each category.
- Write 1 if you are unsatisfied in this area and 10 if you are totally satisfied.
- Choose the areas you would most like to move forward on during 2014?
- Create specific goals & linked activities – should not be more than 2 goals per category, and not more than 3 focus categories in a year.
- Block time for activities related to goals in your calendar – goal is to spend time with family , block a dinner date with wife per week , block a weekly outing with kids in your calendar & set reminder.
And the most important thing : Make a PROMISE to yourself to keep your resolution
Thank you for putting it across in such a great manner. Many times we either let others write a story for us or create a story that holds us back.
I stumbled upon this quote today and it really struck a chord with me. But first I had to look up who Washington Irving was. Turns out he was a 19th century American author, essayist and historian. I don’t think I had ever heard of him before now – although as I discovered I did know two of his best-known stories The Legend Of Sleepy Hollow and Rip Van Winkle.
Back to Irving’s quote; and the question that it triggered in my mind is how much should we believe the stories we tell ourselves? For don’t we all tell ourselves stories which define who we are? We are the daughter of X, the sister of Y, the mother of Z and so forth. What do you do, people ask us. I work…
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Hi Reblogging your post
The year is quickly coming to an end. This year the goal was to cultivate 12 new habits – piling habit upon habit.
This year I’m going to do things a little differently.
I have decided that for the new year, there are going to be two major changes to Cultivating Habits:
1. New Website
It’s time to change things up.
What I’m using now is a free theme from WordPress. I haven’t customized it, and it’s been fine as a blog. This year I’ve written 125 posts – some good, some bad. I’m going to get rid of the bad and I’m going to make it easier to find the good. I’m going to create a homepage that better showcases the habits that have had the biggest impact on me this year. I’m thinking there will be nine of them. I will then have a ‘currently cultivating’ section at…
View original post 314 more words
The most difficult thing to change in our lives is our thought patterns. Limiting thought patterns can lead to dysfunctional behavior and feelings, resulting in unsatisfying relationships with self, career, others, and health.
The first step in changing is recognizing our thought patterns and identifying those that limit us (see previous exercise).
Here, we will discuss various exercises to retrain the brain & change the destructive thought patterns
- Alternate thought script
Use the following table to help you create an alternate positive thought script to replace the current script. If you write the thought scripts every day for a few weeks, you will come up with better alternatives & the repetitive reinforcement of positive thoughts will help you to change your thought patterns
|Situation||Initial Thought||Type of Pattern||Belief or Fact||Challenge the belief||Alternate Script|
|Made a major blunder at work||I am a failure everyone will laugh at me and think of me as a failure||Self-labelling & catastrophic||Fact : I made a mistakeBelief : Initial thought||I make mistake sometimes but am usually correct, I have achieved x , y , z in my career.||I learn from my mistakes. I don’t have to be perfect at everything. A mistake does not mean I am a failure|
What does research say about affirmations?
“An emerging set of published studies suggest that a brief self-affirmation activity at the beginning of a school term can boost academic grade-point averages in underperforming kids at the end of the semester. This new work suggests a mechanism for these studies, showing self-affirmation effects on actual problem-solving performance under pressure,” said J. David Creswell, assistant professor of psychology in CMU’s Dietrich College of Humanities and Social Sciences.
Here we will use the power of affirmations to bring about a change in negative thinking process.
Anybody can create affirmations, self-created affirmations work better as they address the uniqueness in us. All that one needs to keep in mind while writing affirmation is
- I. It should always be positive : Instead of “I am not a failure” try “ I am successful”
- II. Affirmations should be in present tense : “I find it easy to think positively”
- III. It should be believable , take incremental steps in the process of affirmations
E.g. Situation: Introvert who is not able to talk to people
Thought : Everyone must be laughing at me , I make a fool of myself while talking with people , I can never make friends , I will never succeed.
You make like to start by affirming your positive qualities
“I observe & understand people”, “I am a good listener”
Moving on to
“I find it easy to talk with individuals who I know”
And later on
“I like talking with people and making new friends”
- IV. Repeat the affirmations as often as possible to allow them to be part of your subconscious mind
PS: Use the alternate script in exercise 1 to create relevant affirmations
- Gratitude Journal
Before going to the bed write down 5 positive things that happened during the day. This is a very important exercise as it will help you create alternate positive thought scripts and add weightage to your affirmations.
- Burn the Negative thoughts
At the end of everyday write down all the negative thought scripts & burn them, visualize negative thoughts being burned away from your brain slowly but steadily.
- Thought Ritual
Every morning – do 5 jumping jacks , look up at sky / celling , smile widely & speak aloud – “I am going to have a great day” after this read your last night entry from gratitude journal and read / speak your affirmations & repeat positive thought script.
PS: The last two exercises are only rituals but the powerful imagery attaches itself easily to our subconscious minds.
Stay Positive !!!
Image courtesy of Archipoch / FreeDigitalPhotos.net